I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
