Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
whose parrot is this?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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