Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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