it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize