It's Friday. Sex?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
