we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize