mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Houston, we have a squirter
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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