I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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