i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
