He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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