i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
