he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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