The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
