I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
