she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize