Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
