we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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