So drunk its hurt
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
