we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
