Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
