if you like me you must not know who I am
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
