i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
