Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
