her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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