He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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