Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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