put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
