apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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