nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
