Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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