You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
