I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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