I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I would ride that face into the sunset
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
