Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
smell my finger.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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