i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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