i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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