Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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