Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
