My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
