his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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