Swine flu is the new snow day.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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