He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
