wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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