This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
