dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I still have a little drunk in my system
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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