party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
