"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We are all done wearing pants today
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize