Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize