We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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