Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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