Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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