You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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