could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The ass gains better be worth it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
