why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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