just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
