That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The Olympian is in my bed
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
