Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
