do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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