I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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