so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
