maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
