I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
