you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
