Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
