Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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