Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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