oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
