i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
