her vagine was all disorganized.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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