Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
