YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
