my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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