the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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