She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm getting married
To pizza
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
