so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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