I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
