I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize