it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
How's work?
Spinning.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
