I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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