i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
