this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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