I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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