There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
