Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Is it penis luge time yet?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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