I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
