i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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